We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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