mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
