dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
