Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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