My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
