is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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