I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
