The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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