We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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