i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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