last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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