I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's paper in my vomit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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