epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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