Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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