Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
