we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's always time for handjobs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
