i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
