Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
