no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
