dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
