And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
