is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
