Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
