My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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