Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we should paint friendship bongs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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