i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
