Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize