I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
