God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
