Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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