When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
