ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
