I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
