does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
