This is not my ceiling
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
