So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
