sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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