Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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