how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
