I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
