and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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