Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize