i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
