When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
