I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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