You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
