Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
