I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
