It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
