he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
