Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
