I wish I only lived at night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
