Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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