Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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