I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
