I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
