Moan for me like Helen Keller
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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