question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
