So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
