Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
