You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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