i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
