this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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