I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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