that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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