Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
