Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
