someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
