I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
